Is There Anybody Out There
by bleedingbodyandsoul1994
Summary: Maya Hart little light left in her. she's left with is her memories about her mom before she died. she wants to forget about the pain. She hides her arms from the world because she doesn't want people to know her scars she has and the fresh ones.What happens when Josh Matthews comes to visit. Will he find out before she does something much worse? or will she lose to her demons.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I open my eyes sighing really loud. I wished I wouldn't wake up. I sit up and look around my small room. I live alone now that my mom died.

She was in a horrible car crash. She didn't even make to the hospital. I hear my phone ring from the living room. I didn't want to talk to anybody.

I get up and head to the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror and frown. I had dark circles under my eyes,my dirty blonde hair was all over the place and my eyes were dark and lifeless.

I hate life so much.

I shake my head disappointed at myself. I quickly brush my hair and do a messy bun. I don't care if I look good or not.

I walk back in my room and change into my black jeans,blue long sleeve,boots and a jean jacket. I grab my bag and walk to the living room.

The house was a mess.

Oh well.

I grab my phone and look at Riley's text message.

'Come down for breakfast' Riley is best friend. We do everything together. I love her like a sister. But I've been lying to her. I told her my aunt has been living with me but she left three days after the funeral. I just tell her my aunt leaves for work before me and that's why they don't see her.

Till now they believed me.

I lock the door behind me and walk down the stairs to Riley's place. Today is the last of school. Summer vacation. We still have 1 year of high school.

I open the door and see Riley talking to Lucas on the phone.

They finally got together and they been together 2 years.

"Maya breakfast" says with a smile. I force a smile and shake my head.

"My aunt made pancakes" I said waiting for Riley to get off the phone.

"Uncle josh is coming today Riley so be here by 6" said walking in the kitchen fixing his tie. Uncle josh was my crush but not anymore. Well I think I don't. He always ignores me and has girlfriends all over the place.

"Yes dad come on Maya Lucas is waiting downstairs" Riley says happily. Ugh her happiness is killing me.

She pulls me out the apartment to the stairs. Thank god school is almost over.

(At lunch)

I make sure Riley isn't following me. I walk in the girls change room and lock it. This is my hiding place. My noise free room.

I slip on the ground and take out a little black box from the bottom of my bag.

I know this is what I shouldn't do. It helps me forget the memories of my mom. Helps with the sadness and pain.

"Do you have to go mom?" I whine to her. She was getting ready for a party.

"Yes Maya I have to go. Your father is counting on this" my father left us a few years ago. I still hate him but my mom and him are giving each other a second chance. I say to her that he will break her heart again and become a fucking asshole all over again.

"He's an asshole mom why are you doing this?" She gave me a serious look.

"I still love him Maya. He is still your father show some respect" she says fixing her hair. She was wearing a short red dress with black heels. She had her hair down and red lipstick.

"Tell me after he breaks your heart again" I mumble crossing my arms.

"Okay I left you money for pizza. Invite Riley and her boyfriend if you want. I'll be back by 11" she says grabbing her purse. I follow her to the front door. She turns around smiling.

"I love you Maya" she says.

"Love you too mom" I hug her tightly. I close the behind me and jump on the couch.

"It's past 11 Riley what if something happened to her?" I was nervously pacing the room. Riley and Lucas were looking at me.

"Maya please sit down your making me dizzy" Riley grabs my shoulder making me look at her.

"Let's sit down and calmly call her. Just relax okay?" I nod sitting between Lucas and Riley.

I start biting my nails. I have a bad feeling like something bad is about to happen.

That's when I hear someone knocking on the door. Lucas gets up opening the door to and . They looked like they seen a ghost.

"Mom dad what are you doing here?" Riley says surprised.

"Maya we" let out a loud sob. Riley runs towards her trying to calm her down.

sits beside me grabbing my hands.

I look at him confused.

"Maya we got a phone call from the police" I slowly nod still confused.

"It's your mom...she's was in a car crash and"

"And what? Is she okay? I need to see her" I stand up but he hugs me.

"She died Maya" I felt my body go numb. My legs turned into noodles. This can't be happening. My mom can't be died.

"No please tell me your joking!" I yell trying to push away but he just hugged me.

"No please she can't leave me" I sob in his arms.

I didn't realize I was crying hugging my legs.

The doctors didn't want me to see her body. The driver and her died at the scene. My father came to the funeral and I asked him what happened before. He said they got into a fight and she left in her car crying. I yelled at him that I wouldn't ever forgive him.

That was a year ago.

A year without talking to my mom. A year without fighting with her. A year without hearing her voice.

I open the box and take out two new razors.

I need to forget the pain. The memories and this is the only way.

I place the cold sharp razor in my hand and slash my skin. I watch how the blood runs down my arm.

I felt my tears fall down. I close my eyes feeling my arm go numb.

Just the way I like it.

 _ **{{so Maya and Riley are in high school in grade 11. This story will be kinda sad and swearing. Comment what you think and if I should continue.}}**_


	2. Chapter 2

I walk down the hall before the bell rings. I know that Riley will force me to go see uncle Josh. I don't feel like forcing a smile.

I look both ways before making my way to the back doors.

"Where you going?" I stop and groan when Farkle pops in front of me.

"Home" I said trying to move but he just laughed grabbing my arm. I hiss to myself when he squeezes my cuts.

"Lucas is giving us a ride home" Farkle says happily. How can they be so happy everyday? It amazes me.

"Found her" Farkle says to Lucas and Riley who were making out.

"Good come on we're gonna go eat something before we go see uncle Josh" Riley's says wiggling her eyebrows.

"I don't like him anymore" I said annoyed. Everyone thinks I still have a crush on him.

Lucas and Riley gave each other a look. I just roll my eyes and walk ahead of them. My arm was throbbing in pain. My sleeve was sticking to the cut.

We get in the car and Lucas drives to a little diner around our place. They don't dare go to the diner my mom use to work.

We order food and we ate.

It was almost 6 and Riley was saying goodbye to Lucas. I was waiting for them to kiss. I want to go home. Sleep this day away.

"Hopefully uncle Josh isn't late." Riley says walking down the street to our building.

"Do I have to go? My aunt must be waiting for me" I lie to her. She looked at me knowingly.

"I thought your aunt finishes work at 8?" Crap I hate that she a good listener.

"Fine I'll stay for 30 minutes" I said walking ahead of her. Riley opens the door to her parents talking to Auggie.

I drop my bag on the ground and jump on the couch.

I am not going to enjoy myself. I look at Riley talking to her mom about Lucas asking her on a date.

I tone them out and think about my arms. I needed to clean my cuts before someone notices my sleeves are wet and sticking to my arm.

I hear someone knocking on the door. I look at Riley squeal excited before running to the door. She opens the door pulling Josh in a very tight hug.

He looked the same just a little bit taller and his hair was kind of long.

He looked cute but nothing more.

He hugs Mr. Matthews and Mr. Matthews. He talks to auggie before looking at me.

"Hey Maya no hug today?" He says with a low chuckle.

"Not today" I force a smile. He looked confused because before he would come over I would the first to hug him.

"How's school?" He says sitting beside me. Actually really close to me.

"Good" I said feeling him look at me. I cross my arms in case.

"I'm almost done dinner" Mrs. Matthews says getting Josh attention.

"Well I got to go" I said getting up grabbing my bag from the ground,

"Aren't you going to eat dinner with us?" Riley asked standing in front of me.

"Uh no my aunt must be waiting for me. Goodnight" I said quickly running out the door. I know for a fact Riley and her parents will force me to stay.

I walk up the stairs to my place. I unlock the door throwing my bag on the couch.

I needed to forget.

Thinking about my mom bought dark memories I hide for months. I walk into the bathroom and take my clothes off. I carefully rip out my sleeve that was stuck on my cuts.

They started bleeding again. I take out a bottle of whiskey from behind the toilet.

I turn the water and let it fill the tub. I carefully go in the warm bath and my arms start aching and throbbing.

I open the bottle and chug down the strong liquid. My throat burns but I didn't care.

I need to forget the day.

 _{{comment what you think please :) so sorry for the very short chapter. }}_


	3. Chapter 3

Josh P.O.V

I stare at the door. She actually ran out the door. That was weird. I turn around and see Riley and the rest worried.

"What's wrong?" I ask looking at Riley give Topanga a look.

"Maya hasn't been the same since her mom died" losing a parent isn't easy. I saw her at the funeral she wouldn't talk to anybody and just stood alone staring at the coffin.

"She looks okay to me" I said shrugging.

"Well your a man" Riley said helping Corey set the table.

"Hey" Corey and I said at the same time.

"Just look at her closely and you'll see" Riley says sitting down.

Hmm.

*Next morning*

I grab my wallet and keys. I usually run every morning.

Well it wasn't morning...it was 11am.

I open the door and walk down the stairs.

I open the door and see Maya standing against the wall. She looked tired.

"Hey Maya" I said making her jump. She had something in her hand but she shoved it in her jacket. Wearing a jacket in the heat? That's weird.

"What are you doing up so early?" She asked crossing her arms.

"Going for a run" I said smiling. She looked at me and started walking away.

"What are you doing up so early?" Now I ask her. She looks ahead before sighing.

"I have to go grocery shopping" she says walking a little bit ahead of me. What's wrong with her? Since I got here she's been acting weird and not herself. I miss her hugging me or telling me she's gonna win my heart.

I miss that.

"You look tired" I didn't know what to say.

"I uh went to sleep late." She shrugs walking in the supermarket. She grabs a cart. Wait why am I following her?

"We missed you at dinner last night" I follow her.

"Cool" she said throwing things in the cart. She kept answering in one word.

"Are you okay?" I ask trying to look at her eyes but she kept looking ahead.

"Yes" she answered. I think she didn't want me here.

"Well I should go I promised Riley I would take her to the mall." I said walking away. I stop and turn around.

"You want to go?" I ask just in case.

"I have to stay home and wait for my aunt" she said forcing a smile.

At least I tried.

|| I promise I will have another chapter done tonight and hopefully I can post it. Comment what you think :) }}


	4. Chapter 4

Maya P.O.V

I got home from the market. I had walk 5 blocks with 4 bags on each hand. I would have asked Josh to help me but then he will see the mess in my place and would ask questions.

I put the food away. I take out the box of cigarettes I was going to smoke in the morning but Josh came. I take one out and turn it on.

I grab a beer bottle and sit on the couch. I exhale and inhale the sweet bitter smoke through my nose and mouth.

I look around the living room. It was really dirty and full of clothes. Eh I'll start tomorrow.

I hear my phone vibrate from under the couch. I forgot I left it there. I take it out and I missed 5 messages from Riley and 6 from my friend Ashton.

"MAYA! How come you didn't answer your phone?" Ashton yells.

"I was at the market and forgot my phone. What up?"

"There's a party tonight"

"At the same place?" I ask opening the beer with one hand. I met Ashton at the funeral when my mom died. He was working there as a door man. Anyways I stayed there for 2 hours crying and he comforted me. We would go to college parties and drink till we wouldn't know who we were. It was fun.

"Yeah you want to go?" I had nothing to do on a Saturday night.

"Yeah pick me up"

"Cool I'll be there in 10" He says happily. I hang up the phone and walk to my room.

I grab a pair of black ripped skinny jeans, green neon tank top, black cardigan and my black vans. I put my hair up in a ponytail. I don't feel like wearing make-up so I quickly get change when I hear the door.

Ashton got here soon.

I walk to the door and look through the peephole. It was lucas and Riley.

Crap they can't know I'm here or going to a party. I quietly run to the window and call Ashton.

"I'm almost there Maya"

"Pick me up from the back. Riley is at the door" I whisper.

"Mother hen is at the door" Ashton says laughing. I told him about Riley and that's his nickname for her"

"I'm here hurry" I hang up and grab a few bills from my wallet. I open the window and quickly get out to the escape staircase. I ran down and see Ashton smiling. He was 6'1, dirty blonde hair, hazel brown green eyes and he is very cute.

"Cute outfit" He says as I get in. I kiss his cheek before turning the volume up on the radio. He laughed and drives away.

"Shot shot shot" Everyone yelled around me. I chug down the fourth shot of tequila.

"Girl you can keep the liquor down" Eva says laughing. She was a friend of Ashton.

"This place is cool! Who lives here?" I ask with a smile. I was happy. The alcohol made me forget about my life.

"That dude right there" She points to the hottest guy I ever seen apart from Josh. He had brown hair, 6 feet, and had a lip ring.

"What's his name?" I was curious. He had a cute smile.

"Jared Ford" Eva says biting her bottom lip.

"Maya I got you food." Ashton says snapping his fingers at me. I clear my throat smiling at Ashton.

"Are you checking Mr. Player." Ashton says.

"Player?"

"Jared Ford is the number one player"

"How old is he?" Please be under 18.

"21 and that's his girlfriend." Ashton says putting his arms around Eva. They've been friends since they were 11. The girl around Luke was blonde with an hourglass body. She had her arms around his neck. She smiled before kissing him.

"That sucks." I said frowning.

"Yes sadly" Eva said putting her head on my shoulder.

"Can we go get drunk now?" I said pulling Eva and Ashton to the kitchen.

"Shots, whiskey or beer?" Eva says pouring tequila in a red cup.

"How about weed?" I said looking at a group of guys laughing handing a blue bong to each other.

"No you stick with cigarettes" Ashton says handing me a cup of whiskey. He pulls me and Eva to the dance floor.

"Let's dance I love this song" Eva yelled moving to 'give me everything tonight by pitbull'. I distract Ashton with Eva to make my way back to the guys.

"Got any more?" I ask a guy with slightly red eyes.

"Not anymore but we got this" He had a white pain in the palm of his hand.

"What is it?" I ask looking at him.

"Happy pills" He says with a killer smile.

I smile at him putting them in my mouth and it down with the whiskey.

"Thanks cutie" I said walking away from him.

I walk back to the kitchen bumping into someone. I look up and it was Jared. He looked even better up front.

"I haven't seen you around, are you new?" he says smiling.

"No I'm not in college. I'm a friend of Ashton"

"Oh you two are together?"

"Me and ash? No" I said laughing. The pill was getting me numb.

"So your single?" He says giving me a sweet smile.

"Yes" I said blushing.

"Jared" he puts his hand out.

"Maya" I shake his hand gently. He smirks before leaving.

Oh god he is hot.

'Rather be- clean bandit' started playing. I move my hips to the beat drinking the rest of my drink.

A few people were laughing at me but I didn't care I was having fun.

I started doing the running man and the disco.

"Whoa! Go girl go girl!" People were around me watching me dance.

I don't know what happening to me but my heart was racing like crazy.

My body was full of power.

"This my song!" I yell out loud. My tongue made the words come out of my mouth sound weird.

"Everyone jump!" I felt someone pull me out the dance floor.

"Ashton you know what I want I want chips. The ones with cheese on top and crunchy and its big and well some of it taste bad but I want them Ash! Ash look they look like penguins! OH what is that" I say rapidly. I don't know what's happening to me.

I never felt this hyper.

"Maya what did you take?" Ashton puts his hands on my shoulder making me look at him.

"I'm hungry oh oh oh and thirsty" I was about to drink from the bottle when he took it away.

"What the fuck man!" I yell out pushing him. Ashton grabs my arm pulling me out the yard.

He walks up to the cute guy and turned him around.

"What did you give her?" Ashton says tighten his grip.

"Speed" he says looking at me.

"Speed? How many!" Eva says now. They were beyond mad.

"I gave her only 2" I yank my arm out of his grip and walk away bumping into someone hard.

"Hey jackass watch where you going!" I don't know why I'm mad.

"Who you calling a jack ass bitch?" The other guy said trying to stand still but fails.

"Jackass says what?" I push him away making him charge for me.

He swing his fist and it connects to my eye.

I whine in pain but push him away from me and kick his leg.

He trips down falling to the ground. I start laughing out of nowhere.

"bitch!" The guy yells making me turn around to get hit in my jaw.

I felt wetness and pain.

"Fucking bastard no hitting girls!" I see two guys who were with jared grab him by the collar of his shirt and punching him.

"Are you okay?" Ashton runs to me grabbing my chin studying my face.

"Yeah I'm okay. I'm hungry can we eat? My heart is racing. You know that monkey song with the doctor and the falling down? Do do do you think we can go swimming?" I couldn't stop talking.

Even after the punches.

Ashton chuckles looking worried.

"I-I-I-I love dinosaurs and t-Rex and we should eat" he hands me back the bottle and I smile.

This is a fun night!

{{comment what you think? Eva is played by Selena gomez. Ashton is played by Ashton from 5sos and Jared is played by Liam from teen wolf... What do you think about Ashton and Eva? Is Jared interested in Maya? How will Josh feel?}}

What do you think about Ashton and Eva? Is Jared interested in Maya? How will Josh feel? Also thank you for the comments. I got one where i should give a date where I will update. and it will be every thrusday}}


	5. Chapter 5

_Maya P.O.V_

I open my eyes when I felt my arm string like I was being stabbed with little needles.

I look at my arm and Eva was on it sleeping. My cuts were opening.

Just my luck.

I move her off me and almost wake Ashton up. I was in the middle of them. I guess we all crashed at my place.

I quickly but carefully go over Eva without waking her up. I walk to the washroom and jump up at my reflection. I had a black eye and swollen bruise around the side of my lip.

How in hell did I get this? I wanted to ask Ashton and Eva but I had to check my cuts quickly.

Thankfully they didn't take out my cardigan or else they would see my cuts and that's not a good idea.

I quickly clean my cuts when I hear the door. I cover my cuts with a clean band aid and run to the door. I look through the peephole and it was Riley and Lucas.

Crap they will ask a lot of questions if they see my face and my friends.

I grab Ashton sun glasses from the floor and put them on. I grab my hoodie and cover my bruised lip.

I take a deep breath before opening the door.

"Morning" I said with a fake cheerily voice.

"More like good afternoon" Riley says with her arms crossed.

"Where were you last night? We came to see you" Lucas said looking at me weirdly.

"My aunt took me out for dinner and a movie" I lie to both my best friends.

"Really? We were at the movies" Riley said sitting down on the couch.

"We went to a different movie theater" I said stepping away from Riley because she will take my sunglasses off.

"Josh was asking for you" Riley said knowingly.

"Do you guys want something to drink?" I tried to change the subject but Riley got up to follow me in the kitchen.

"I would think you would be excited"

"I don't like him anymore sorry" I tried to get away from her hands but she pulled my hoodie off.

"Oh my god what happened to your lip!" Riley yelled.

"Riley what did I tell you about yelling" Lucas says not noticing my lip.

"Look" Riley pointed to my face.

"How did you get that?" Lucas grabbed my chin looking at it closely.

"What's with the yelling?" Eva says holding her head. Ashton was behind her looking at us confused.

"How are you?" Ashton says holding out his hand to Lucas.

"Hi?" Lucas says shaking his hand.

"Riley, Lucas this is Ashton and Eva my other friends" I said signaling Eva to help me. Eva walked around them.

"Help me get them out" I whisper to her.

"Ash remember we have that brunch downtown with Maya" Eva said getting a confused look from Ashton but she gave him a death glare.

"Oh right I forgot. If we don't get there soon we'll lose our table" Ashton said smiling.

"I'm sorry guys but we'll talk later" I said pushing them to the door.

"But we"

"I promise I'll go over later" I said opening the door and push them out. Riley frowned walking with Lucas.

I close the door and sigh.

"May I ask why I have a black eye and a busted lip?" I turn around looking at Eva and Ashton getting ready.

"After you took those happy pills you got into a fight with a guy"

"He punched me?"

"He was drunk" Ashton threw my jacket to me.

"What did I take that I couldn't remember anything?" I put my jacket on top of my cardigan.

"Speed" Eva said fixing her hair.

"What! Speed how the hell did that happen!"

"You sneaked away from us. Don't think we're happy about that" apart from Riley and Lucas acting like parents I have two other ones.

"Where we going?" Eva pushed me out and locked the door for me.

"You had me lying about brunch now I want brunch" Ashton says with a small smile. Eva grabs Ashton hand. They looked at each other smiling.

"Wait up. Did something happen between you two?" I said pointing my finger suspiciously at them.

"Umm we kissed" Eva says trying hard to act normal but I knew how much she likes Ashton. She never had the courage to tell him her real feelings.

"Finally!" I said happily. I hug both of them tightly.

"Okay okay enough happiness, my stomach needs happiness too" Ashton says putting his arm around my shoulder. We walk out and start making our way to the restaurant downtown.

"Are you sure they will want me there?" Eva says nervously. She has to stay with me because her parents left the country for a few weeks. She doesn't want to stay alone and Ashton rather have her with me.

"I'm sure they will. Riley's parents are nice so don't worry" I knock on the door. I promised Riley I would go over.

Josh opens the door and smiles when he sees me.

"Hi" I said.

"Hi" he replied.

"Hello" Eva said awkwardly.

"Oh hi" Josh moves aside so we can walk in. Riley was playing with her brother. Her parents were in the kitchen making dinner

"Maya you came" Riley ran to me and hugged me.

"Yeah here I am. Is it okay if my friend joins us for dinner?" Eva waved at everyone.

"The more the merrier." says with a smile.

"This is Eva, eva this is , , Auggie and Josh" Eva looked at Josh and smiled knowingly.

"I heard great thing about you" Eva says smirking when I gave her a death glare.

"Really?" Josh smirked as well.

I told Eva about my crush. She wanted to meet him and now she did. She's not going to stop bugging me now.

"How did you two meet?" Riley asked.

"Ashton is the one who introduce us. She was super drun-"

"Eva!" I whisper yell hitting her arm.

"She meant to say When I was sad" I said looking at them with a fake smile.

"Yeah that's what I meant to say" Eva forced a smile too.

"Let's eat now" Mr. Matthews said getting everyone to walk to the table.

We all sit down when my phone starts to ring. I excuse myself.

I don't know this number. I wonder who it is.

"Hello?"

"Hey Maya" I look at the number again and frown.

"Who is this?"

"Jared. Remember we met last night at the party." Oh right the hot guy.

"Oh yeah...What's up?"

"I wanted to know if you want to go on a date with me" he says.

"Seriously? You want to go on a date with me?" I said surprised. Why would a college guy want to go on a date with a girl like me?"

"Why wouldn't I? You seem like a cool girl" I look back at the table. Eva and riley were talking while Josh was looking at me.

"Don't you have a girlfriend?" I remember the blonde girl sucking his face.

"She's not my girlfriend. I was kind of drunk last night.

"Yeah I would love to go out with you" I interrupted with a smile. I haven't smiled like this in months.

"Text me your address and I'll pick you up at 7" Jared says before hanging up. I walk back to my seat trying hard not to smile.

"Who got you smiling like that?" Riley says.

"I'm going on a date with someone I know" I said. Eva knew who I was talking about. She didn't look too happy.

I wonder why.

I look at josh and felt my heart race. He had jealously written in his eyes.

Wait is Josh jealous of Jared? No he can't be... I mean who would be.

{{comment what you think. Sorry if this chapter sucks. I'll try to update again this week :) why wasn't Eva happy about the date? Will Jared hurt Maya? }}


	6. Chapter 6

_"Maya it's time for school!" I open my eyes and see my mom walk in my room._

 _She had her hair down with curls at the end. She had light make up and her work uniform on._

 _She looked beautiful._

 _"How did you sleep?" She asked sitting on the edge of the bed._

 _"Good. Had a nightmare" I said getting the memories back from the dream._

 _"What was it about?" She says. I felt the tears fall down._

 _"You died and I was alone" I whispered feeling my chest hurt._

 _"Oh honey." She pulled me into her arms._

 _"I'll always be with you Maya. Even if I'm far away just remember I'm watching you and will always protect you" she kissed my forehead rubbing my back._

"MAYA?" I wake up in a flash. Eva knocked on the door.

"Yeah?" I realized I wasn't in my room. I was in the bathroom floor.

"Are you almost done? I have to shower" she yelled.

"Give me a minute" I quickly get up and see bloody tissues, razors and a empty bottle of whiskey on the floor.

I look at my arms and frown. I don't remember cutting myself.

I guess I drank too much.

I flush the tissues and hide my razors behind the towels.

I wash my arms and watch the cuts reopen. I felt my arms throb and smile. The pain distracts me from my memories. even if its for a while.

I pull my sleeves down and unlock the door.

Eva stood against the wall with her towel and clothes in her hands.

"Good morning Maya" She said happily. I wish I can wake up like that.

"Riley has been calling you nonstop" Eva says before closing the door. I must have left my phone in my room.

I walk down the hall and open my door. I look around and frown.  
I have to clean. There were clothes everywhere, food wrappers and fast food bags.

I lay down on my bed and check my phone. I had 10 miss calls from Lucas and Riley. 20 text messages. I'll call riley later. I stare at the ceiling and close my eyes.

That dream felt so real. It felt like she was actually hugging me. I miss her hugs. her voice, Everything.  
I shake my head and get up before I start crying.

I walk to the kitchen and take out cereal and a bowl. I set them on the table and take out the milk. I pour a lot of cereal till the top.

"I love morning showers" Eva says walking in with her hair wet.

"That was pretty fast" Not even 5 minutes passed.

"Ashton is picking us up" She says grabbing the milk jug and chugged down the last bit.

"Wait? Us?" Usually on Saturdays Ashton and Eva go out to the beach 3 hours away.

"I have to pick some things up from my house then we need to buy food from this very sad fridge" Eva says shaking her head at the empty fridge.

"Do I have to go?" I wasn't in the mood to go out.

"Yes or do you rather go with Riley to the mall" She says brushing her hair.

"Is that why she was calling?" I hate shopping espeacilly when I have cuts on my arms.

"Yup and what are you going to wear for your date" Eva says rolling her eyes at the word date.

"You don't like me going on a date with Jared?" I knew something was off with Ashton and her. They frowned or stayed quiet when I would name Jared.

"I do but not with Jared. Maybe Josh" she says making me cough out some cereal.

"Josh? Why Josh?"

""I could see the way he looks at you. I used to look at Ash like that" She smiled. I gave her a weird look and shook my head. Eva is going crazy. Why would anybody want me? I'm just a broken girl with scars and cuts under my sleeves. Nobody should love someone like that.

"Ash is coming in an hour." Eva got up and left the kitchen. I look down at my cereal and frown. My foot loops are all soggy.

"Crap" I push the bowl away and walk to my room. I lock the door and take out my box of cigarettes. I lean against the window and light one up.

I inhale and exhale. The very first one always makes you a little dizzy.

 _"Maya where are you?" I hear his voice. God I hate him. It's his fault my mom is dead._

 _"What the fuck do you want?" I said harshly._

 _"Don't you talk to me like that!" He yelled looking at my state. I was in bed crying my eyes out. It's been 3 weeks since my mom died and he won't leave me alone. Now he acts like a caring father._

 _"Why don't you leave? It hasn't stopped you before?" I said getting ready to push him out my room._

 _"Maya don't you see I want to help you?" He says softly._

 _"I don't need you! You weren't there when I needed you the most! Where were you for my birthday? Or my school plays? Huh? Where the fuck were you!" I was done with him. All I want is for him to leave forever._

 _"Maya please forgive me" He says grabbing my hands._

 _"Get out! I will never forgive you! You killed my mom. The only person who loved me and stayed with me. You are nothing to me! You just a fucking asshole who left me" I yelled in his face. I felt his hand knock the wind out of me. I touch my cheek feeling it throb. My eyes filled with tears blinding my vision._

 _"Oh my god I'm sorry Maya I didn't mean to" He tried to touch me but I slapped his hands away._

 _"Get the fuck out!" I push him out my room and locked the door behind him._

 _"Maya please let me in! I'm sorry. I don't know what took over me" He knocked on the door for a few minutes._

 _I slip to the ground and couldn't stop the sobs from getting out of my mouth._

 _"I need you mom. I need you" I whisper as I hug my legs._

I didn't realize I was on the ground hugging my legs. The tears wouldn't stop falling.

When will I stop crying? When will I stop missing her? Why can't these memories stop coming back?

I crawl to my bed and take out a box from under my bed. I open it and felt my heart drop.

When did I become this pathetic piece of shit?

I felt anger towards myself. I roll up my sleeves and looked at my arms.  
Old and new scars. Some started bleeding as I touched them. I pressed the razor on my skin and slowly it went through my skin. It opened bit by bit till it bleeds rolling down my arm.

Why can't I be dead?

 _{{comment what you think? I'm so so sorry I took so long to post the chapter. I had major writers block for this story but I changed the plot and I think I'll be updating more often. }}_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"You look so pretty" Riley squealed like a little girl. Eva chuckled and I rolled my eyes. Riley and Eva gained up against me and they made me put my hair down and put on a shirt.

I wasn't happy about it.

"Jared is a lucky man" riley says but Eva shook her head.

"Is he cute?" Riley asked me. I nod hearing the door

"I'll get it" Lucas yelled from the living room. I take a deep breath before following Riley and Eva.

"Hey I'm Lucas" I see Jared with a white t-shirt, black skinny jeans, black vans and a leather jacket.

"I'm Jared" He shakes his hand before smiling at me. He made me blush.

"You are cute" Riley says with a smile.

"Riles" Lucas crossed his arms.

"Should we go?" Jared asked.

"Take care of her Jared" Eva wasn't happy but she forced a smile.

"Yes ma'am" He says holding out his hand out for me. I felt nervous. It was my first date. I grab his hand and looked at Riley. She smiled huge.

"We gonna have dinner first then go to a party. I know you like parties" He says still holding my hand. We walk downstairs and to his car. It was pretty nice and new.

"Let me get the door" He says opening the door for me. I thank him before getting in.

"Hey Jared"

"Hey bro" Everyone who passed us hugged and said hello to Jared.

"Look at you Jared with another blonde dumb chick" A guy who had a red cup in his hand said checking me out.

"Not this time Liam. Maya is different." Jared says putting his arm around my shoulder.

"Is that so? She better not be another Brittany. God she was annoying" Liam says chugging down his drink.

"Jared we have the goods" I look at a group of guys in the yard. We walk towards them and they were giving each other a tiny bag with 2 white pills.

"What is that?" I look at them stop what they were doing and gave me a 'are you serious look.'

"Jared is this chick real?" One of them said. Jared rolled his eyes and took a bag from his hand.

"Thanks" He took out some bills and pulled me to the corner.

"This is speed" Jared says taking one out.

"I want one" I said but he shook his head.

"I don't think you should."

"I've taken it before" I said giving him a sweet smile.

"I don't know Maya. I don't think it's a good idea" He wasn't sure. I take one out of the bag and smiled.

"I'll be fine" I gave him a kiss on the cheek and put the pill in my mouth. He shrugged and pulled me inside to the dance floor.

In a few minutes I felt the rush. I don't know if I was dancing good or looked like a fool but I didn't care.

I felt good. Almost happy.

"We should go party every night! And go to the park afterwards" I said jumping up and down.

"And get ice cream with Oreos" Jared says with the biggest smile on his face.

"I'm thirsty" I grab his hand and pull him to the kitchen. His friends were there laughing. One of the handed me a beer bottle.

"Thanks! I am loving your beard!" I touch his beard making him laugh.

"I'm glad you are having fun" Jared wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed the top of my head.

"I haven't had this much fun!" I hug him.

 _A few hours later_

"Shh not so loud" I said giggling when Jared almost fell. We were both drunk. It was 4 am and the party was still going on but Jared has work tomorrow.

"Do you think your friends are waiting for you?" Jared puts his arm around my waist and held me up.

"I hope not" I really don't want Riley and Lucas finding out I drink.

"Today was fun" We finally made it to my apartment. He hugged me tightly before looking down at me. He gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek but I grab his face with my hands and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

"I'll call you tomorrow" He says smiling. I watch him leave and sighed.

I look for my keys but the door opened to Eva. She had her arms crossed and looked tired and angry.

"Its fucking 4 in the morning! Where were you?" She whispered yelled.

"Party" I shrug walking pass her. She closed the door and followed me to my room.

"He took you to a party!" She yelled.

"Yes but we had dinner first" I said kicking my shoes off and laid in bed.

"Did he even drop you off at the door? What did you do? Did you meet his friends?" she starts asking million questions.

"Eva please I'm tired. Can you ask me those questions tomorrow" I look at her roll her eyes and leave my room.

I take out at least 2 bags from my pocket and smile. I cover my body and felt my eyes close on their own.


End file.
